come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
