It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
