i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
