Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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