How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
