the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize