My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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