ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
