Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
