We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
