ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We left an ass print on the piano.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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