I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
