i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
