I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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