as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
