When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
