Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
