Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
