dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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