I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The air was thick with penises
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
