Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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