Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
