Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
