Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
