party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
