My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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