The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
