You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
