I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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