She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
