please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
