before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
