So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
try to milk me bitch
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