My brain says no but my pants say off.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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