so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize