I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
