508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
