I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
