it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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