I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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