I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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