I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
