It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
