I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
