I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
