to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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