I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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