just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
