Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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