if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize