I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
