Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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