First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
