I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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