Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
