How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
