His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize