The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
