I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They are going to name an STD after you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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