the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
