New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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