so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
