U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
