I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
