i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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