Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
