She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
