so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
