birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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