Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
