The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
