So drunk its hurt
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
