it wasn't lemon gatorade
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
