hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
