well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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