Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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