there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
