just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
