Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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