I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
