I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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