Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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