White coat. Heels.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
