break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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