The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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