So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
