She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
