I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
