I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
