can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
