After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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