My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
