Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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