i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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