she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
