So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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