If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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