UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drake has all the answers
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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