At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
