hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
