thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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