I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
